你知道嗎：教你如何吃垮自助餐廳（雙語）

　　自助餐廳，吃貨的圣地！那么如何才能有預謀，有策略，有理論地把錢吃回來，讓老板怕你，恨你，哄你，打你，甚至把自助餐廳吃垮，讓老板通緝你呢?請看Nick的親身經歷。暴食暴飲傷害身體，請大家慎重！

　　英文部分摘自www.punny.org，作者是Nick。

　　中文翻譯由筆者完成，力求符合中文的習慣，無"英語腔"，歡迎轉發。

　　Eat Your Money's Worth At Any All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

　　My name is Nick, and I'm an all-you-can-eat-buffet-holic.

　　我叫尼克，是自助餐吃貨達人。

Pre-Meal Planning

餐前準備

　　Do Not starve yourself ahead of time. One classic dinner buffet strategy is to skip breakfast and lunch so that you're starving in the evening. If you try this method, you'll usually find that your stomach can't handle the shock of going from "help, need food" to "12 pounds of beef" just like that. Eat a normal breakfast and a light lunch earlier in the day and you'll keep your metabolism in top form well into the night.

　　不要提前餓肚子。經典的自助晚餐攻略是：不吃早餐和午飯，餓個半死再去。如果用這個方法，通常會覺得胃實在無法忍受從"救命啊，我要吃飯"到"12磅牛肉"這樣的震撼。早餐正常吃，午餐吃早吃清淡，新陳代謝到晚上會處于巔峰狀態。

　　Load up on carbs beforehand. Doughnuts, toaster pastries, and anything else where ingredient #1 is carbs will help ensure that you're hungry and able to stomach a lot by dinnertime.

　　預先多吃含碳水化合物的東西。多納圈、烤的油酥點心等都行，只要主要成分是碳水化合物就行，確保晚上吃自助餐之前會很餓，這樣就能多吃。

　　Clear the runway. Make sure you pay a nice long visit to the bathroom not long before your visit to the buffet. You're going to need every last square inch of those intestines.

　　清空腸道。確保在要去吃自助餐前踏踏實實上個廁所，以充分利用每一寸腸道。

　　Break out the fat pants. Don't even think of showing up to the buffet in pants that actually fit you. You want two sizes above normal at a minimum. Sweat pants work great too.

　　穿著加大加肥的褲子去。千萬不要穿正好合身的褲子，至少穿比正常尺碼大兩個號的，運動褲就很贊。

　　Don't plan to drive home. Pretend you're going out for a night of heavy drinking. Give someone else the keys, or know the number for a cab. You don't want the thought of any physical activity creeping into your head during your meal-a-thon.

　　不要開車回家。假裝晚上要出去大喝一頓酒，把鑰匙交給別人，或者電話叫出租車。在自助餐馬拉松的過程中，如果想到吃完后還要開車，你肯定不會爽。

　　Get there early. The food will be fresher if you show up ahead of the crowd. Fresher food is tastier, so you'll enjoy eating it more.

　　早點到。如果在吃飯高峰之前到，飯菜會更新鮮，也更好吃，就會吃得更多。

　　Bring a book. What, you had other plans for the evening? No way, Jose. Get there ahead of the crowd and plan to stay until closing. You'll want to take a long break or two, so bring something to keep yourself occupied while your fork is empty.

　　帶一本書。什么?晚上還有其他安排?大哥，怎么可能!在吃飯高峰之前到，然后吃到關門。在吃的過程中會想歇上一兩次，而且時間不會短，叉子閑著的時候可以看書打發時間。

Attack That Buffet!

把自助餐廳吃垮！

　　Sit close, but not too close. If you can seat yourself, don't pick a table too far from the action. Even a little bit of walking will contribute to your fatigue levels. At the same time, don't sit two feet from the food stations because all those smells will hit you at once and wreack havoc on your olfaction.

　　坐近點，但別太近了。如果能自己選座位，不要把桌子選得離美食太遠的地方，因為哪怕是走一點點的路，也會升級你的勞累感。此外，不要坐在離餐臺兩英尺近的地方，這樣混雜的各種氣味會馬上擾亂嗅覺。

　　First stop: meat. The ham, beef, and chicken will likely be tucked away in the far corner from where you're seated, but that should be your first target. Soups, breads, pastas, and rice are simply road blocks intended to fill you up quickly and save the restaurant money.

　　第一站：肉。火腿，牛肉和雞肉可能會藏在離你座位很遠的角落里，但這些東西應該是第一個目標。湯類、面包類、面條類和米飯類絕對是路障，想把客人迅速喂飽，為餐廳節約錢。

　　Your beverage of choice: nothing. Drink as little as possible. liquids take up space in your stomach that could be better used for food. If you must, pour yourself a half glass of water and take a sip after every plate - just enough to cleanse your palate for the next round.

　　喝什么？什么都不喝。喝得越少越好。液體很脹肚子，喝多了就吃不下了。如果一定要喝，倒半杯水，吃完一盤東西小抿一口就可以了，夠漱口就行，然后繼續戰斗。

　　Second stop: meat. Seriously, load up on meat if you want your money's worth. At full-service carving stations, let the carver keep loading your plate until it's full of dead animal. Don't be tempted to shove some mashed potatoes on the side to fill the gap in that plate.

　　第二站：肉。真的，猛吃肉才能把錢吃回來。吃自助餐的時候，盡管讓切肉的小哥不斷地往你盤子里添肉，直到堆滿為止。要禁得住誘惑，不要在盤子的空隙中堆滿土豆泥。

　　Third stop: meat. Or maybe seafood. Just don't fall for those generic-looking white fish fillets you'll sometimes see. They usually taste terrible and are cheaper than tender slices of beef.

　　第三站：肉或者海鮮。有時候會有毫無特色的白色魚片，請不要受騙，一般很難吃，而且比嫩牛肉片便宜。

　　Fourth stop: something else. If you're still eating after downing a few pounds of pork and poultry, you're probably close to breaking even. Feel free to sample some of the other wares. Bread should still be a no-no because it's dirt cheap and will fill your tummy faster than you can say "I gotta puke."

　　第四站：吃點別的東西。吃了幾磅雞肉鴨肉豬肉后，如果還在吃，就差不多要把錢吃回來了，這時候就嘗一點其他的東西吧。面包還是不能吃，因為太便宜了，而且很脹肚子，脹得你想吐。

　　Take a break. Now is probably a good time to break out that book and pause for a bit. Avoid the temptation to down a mug of soda. The only digestive aid you should use right now is time.

　　休息一下。這個時候最好把書打開來讀一讀，但要忍住想喝一杯蘇打水的沖動。此時此刻，時間是唯一的助消化良藥。

　　Fifth through ??? stops: victory! Once you've gotten your money's worth, it's time to celebrate your win. Grab a brownie, smother it with ice cream, toss on every topping in sight, and top it all off with a big slice of roast beef. Mmmmm.

　　第五站：到終點了，勝利了!錢吃回來了，就應該慶祝一下。抓起一塊巧克力蛋糕，抹上厚厚的冰淇淋，放上現場能看到的各式調料，再蓋上一大片烤牛肉。嗯，太好吃了！(作者：謝昕呈，北京新東方北美項目部優秀教師)